16. Juni 2016

Happiness





What makes us happy?

Most of us believe to become happy through reaching fixed goals in life.
Wealth, success. family, friends, a fast car, a big house, a lot of money etc.
But this is a misconception. Sure makes us the buy of a long time desired thing happy for a while, we are glad to have it and use it. But things doesn't give us inside satisfaction. After a while you come down again and need sth new to feel happy.

The real fortune rises in ourselves. To be satisfied with yourself the way you are, with all of your faults.....this is luck.


As long as we search our happiness in the outside we will be consistently frustrated and ask ourselves „for what?“
Let's have a look to our friends.....we are happy if we have good freinds. But if inside us there is nothing, or if we feel worthless and have no self-esteem and if we are constantly searching for sth in the outside, a meeting with friends will end up often in a disappointment. Very sensitive persons feel after such a meeting also empty and exhaustet because they felt your expectations even if they didn't realize in the moment.

Everybody knows this. Some people you meet and you feel fresh and free with them. Others you meet and you feel exhausted and tired after.
Second ones are the people which search their happiness inside you.

Let's transfer this process to relationships.
A lot of people think it's not possible to become happy alone. They think it's necessary to have a partner to reach happiness. This is bullshit. If you search for it in your partner this does a lot of pressure to him or her. He will need a lot of quiet time alone to regenerate his energy level. Or if he is the same like you and also expect that you make him happy you both will have a very exhausting relationship in which earlier or later one of you won't be able to go on.

So how you can become happy?
It's not easy. It takes a lot of hard work with yourself. And it will take time. Even if you reached the condition of happiness it will happen that you fall back and start again to search for luck in your environment (except you are a Buddhist monk ;-) ). This isn't a big thing. You only need to recognize it and reflect yourself. And if you realize that you felt back just take you out there and go on with your process. Try it with meditation or with relaxing units, with concentration to your thoughts or analyze the situation....whatever helps you. See the problem and go back to your path.

But first we need to find our happiness inside us.
Some people start to know themselves through reading sth about psychology or books for self help. I think this is a good thing if you are a strong person. If not it can happen fast that you think everything is without sense and you will never reach anything or that you missed your chance.

Best thing is always to reflect yourself. Try to look at you as a stranger. Which situations drive you crazy, make you angry or aggressive? What's the trigger for it? Are you able to bring yourself down in such a situation? Are you able to take you out, sit down and come down?
Can you tell yourself that everything in life if you look on your whole life- or to go more far- if you look on the lives of all people or animals or the whole world is really not important? Can you imagine that nothing is worth it to be angry about or to waste your energy for it? That nothing is worth it to be unhappy?

Let's make an example. The end of a relationship. Most people are sad, unhappy, they cry, some think nothing makes sense anymore.
But if you already had another relaptionship before that one you know that this feelings will pass by. You know that there will be the point when you get up an decide not to be sad anymore bc life is more than a partner. Maybe you feel free and realize all the chances you have without the relationship.
The sadness after a breakup can have more reasons:
First the failure. It's not a good feeling to fail. No one likes it. But one day it is forgotten and you took out a lesson which will make you more strong and help you for your personal development.
Second: You are alone again. There is an empty space inside you after the relationship endet up. This emptiness inside based on....do you know it? Missing inner happiness. The emptiness begins if you don't feel whole and if you try to complete yourself with having a partner.
The symbol of marriage is to rings which connect each other. They have a common intersection. If a partnership would exist to complete each other the symbol would propbably be only one ring because everyone would only bring a part of the ring / of himself with the hope to find the missing part in the other person.

We can see also heartsickness develops out of the feeling that sth is missing. Because you are not enough for yourself and you feel uncomplete.
If we reach the point to see us as a whole and complete person and love us like we are even a breakup will not throw us out of our line because for our level of self happiness nothing changes. We lose a partner with which we shared our inside happiness. Now we have if for our own.

Love yourself the way you are.
Don't judge you for your faults....learn out of them.
Appreciate yourself....you are the only one you have.
Do good things for you.
Take time for yourself. Treat yourself like you are the best thing of the world.
Accept yourself.
LOVE YOURSELF!!!!!

© by Aurelia Bin Weg